


I Can't Quit You

by sweeterthankarma



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Relationship Reflection, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 15:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeterthankarma/pseuds/sweeterthankarma
Summary: They both know they won't give up on each other. No matter what they say, no matter how Kala insists she'll focus on her studies and commit herself to Rajan because it’s what she should do, or how Wolfgang claims he'll just keep working with Felix and make more money because it’s all he knows how to do, it's all lies because they come back to each other, every time. They always do.Based off the song "Quit" by Cashmere Cat and Ariana Grande.





	I Can't Quit You

_ And you say that I'm the devil, you know, and I don't disagree, no I don't see the harm  _

 

Wolfgang is driving Kala crazy and he knows it. He tries so, so hard not to do things that throw her off balance and make her regretful, but those things are so ingrained in his identity by now and he’s masked his pain for so many years that he’s long forgotten how to appropriately cope. He’s different than Kala, in both better ways and worse ways. She’s more logical, he’s more passionate. She’s more subdued, he takes more risks. They both love hard, play games, test fate until it hurts. 

Some nights he’s just as torn as she is by his own actions, maybe even more so, because she may choose to deal with him but he has no alternative to waking up and being the same, damaged person every day. Sure, he can be in Kala’s world, and six other wonderful individual’s worlds, but even despite that, he is who he is and no amount of talent or goodness or kickboxing skills can really change him. 

He yells too much and makes her cry and she’s stubborn enough to make him want to forget she exists sometimes, because she makes him want to be better. No one’s ever made him want that before, no one’s ever made him think that he’d be better off if he occasionally let the goodness of his soul escape and be free. Most of the brightness in him subsides somewhere between his heart and his ribs, in a corner he’s crammed it into and pushed down after years of abandonment and loss. The fact that she makes him want to dig it out and set it free just by smiling at him scares him. She, and all her radiant, child-like, mesmerizing beauty, scare him. 

She’d probably be better off without him, because he never knows he’ll be able to match her holiness. But he can’t let her go, and his harsh words are always softened with kisses and touches and glances he gives her that only she can decode. They’re a mess and they know it, but they’re both starting to think it's okay because it's who they are and they wouldn’t be the same otherwise.

 

_ They say you crazy, “just leave him, he’ll suffocate you” but I want to be in your arms  _

_ They say “no, don't pick up the phone, let him think that nobody's home” but I'm under your spell _

 

Kala wonders what her friends and family would say if they knew of Wolfgang, knew what he does and what he's done. If they look at his actions, his mistakes and flaws and nothing else, they'd hate him, and she could even understand their logic for thinking badly of him- after all, he's injured and shot and even killed people. If he was only a list of statistics- of bad habits and mistakes made and how many euros he's spent on ammunition- he wouldn't be worth her time. 

But he's more than that, he's a bruised soul with a heart of gold and fingertips that can make her come alive with the simplest touch. When he kisses her she feels the sun even when she's in a dark room, and with his eyes on her she feels like she can fly. How can she explain that to people who she isn't even sure know the real her anymore? After becoming apart of the cluster and being in seven different places all at once, after rescuing her friends time and time again, after being rescued time and time again, she’s reborn. Quite literally.

Saving lives that she otherwise would likely never interact with, after falling in love with a man she's never even stood in front of physically, she's a new person, a  _ better  _ person.

She deserves someone who knows her fully, who understands her in a level no one else does. That someone is Wolfgang. Whether she likes it or not, he knows all of her more than anyone else ever will, and that fact is irrevocable. 

 

_ Cause when you call, my heart starts to roll, I always want more, it's my heaven, my hell _

 

She always shows up at the worst timing. He'll be trying to sleep, or shower, or be in the middle of an argument with Felix in a strip club that he'd prefer Kala didn't know he was at, and she’ll appear beside him. He and Kala aren’t together but he’s not interested in any of the women there at the club anyways, not really, but he doesn't need to be defensive of his choices when he just wants to have fun and let loose, but guilt still coils in his gut when she appears, more clothed than anyone else in the room but still the most beautiful one. She’ll be there, staring him down with those deep brown eyes and he’ll forget how to speak and lose the argument, just as he loses sight of everything else whenever she's near. 

It's bad, sometimes. Even after she's gone he'll stay frustrated, wishing she'd return, and he wonders why she doesn’t since he's thinking about her and she has to know. But she seems to be better at controlling when he arrives in her world- or maybe she's just asleep. That time difference always throws him off. 

 

_ Well, hidden deep inside there's a voice, a voice, a choir _

_ But I can't hear the voice when your heart beats next to mine _

 

She wonders if she'd be better off if they never kissed.

She knows that probably isn't true, because it took months before she finally knew what it was like to feel his lips on hers and it was just as difficult to stay away then. Still, maybe if they had kept things platonic, friendly and supportive and nothing more, things wouldn't be so hard. 

She doesn't really think it's possible to change their course of fate, even if they had the chance. When he's with her, things feel right and it's such a deep, bone-deep emotion, so strong it scares her. It controls her, pushes her forward into his arms when she knows she should take a step back, walk away, get some air and center herself. She has a husband, she reminds herself, but it means nothing. Rajan hasn't meant anything to her for a while now, she's not sure he ever did. It's far too late, she's far too gone to start pretending he does now. 

 

_ When you say “baby” I just want you to lay me down and we'll fuck the pain away _

_ Cause skin on skin I feel nothing but the burning of desire and that's just foreplay _

 

The first time they make love, it's exactly that. Love making. Burning, raw, unhinged passion that borders on chaos because it's so long overdue, so desperate on both ends that it makes them both ache. The adrenaline and tension beforehand- when they’re so close it almost hurts to not be kissing, to not have fingers on waists and hands underneath shirts- is almost the best part.  _ Almost,  _ except they’ve played this waiting game too many times and it’s like being set free from a cage now that they know neither of them will stop this time. 

When Wolfgang kisses up her thigh, all lips and teeth and slight tongue, just enough to make her squirm and beg for more, Kala thinks of all the movies and television shows she'd watched that portrayed sex as an ethereal sort of experience. She understands it completely now, relates to the way her friends used to whisper about being touched so good it felt like sparks. 

She wishes she could join the gossip, finally have a story of her own to tell. She wonders if the reason it was never good was because she didn't love Rajan- she can admit it, she's always admitted it even though she didn't want it to be true- but does she love Wolfgang? She thinks she knows the answer, but doesn't want to really allow herself to believe it.

When they come undone together, a mess of tangled limbs and sweat and and breathy whines that mean more than words can express, she knows for certain that she most definitely does love him, and that he loves her back. 

 

_ I'm gonna regret it  _

 

Wolfgang always been a loner, an outcast, someone who suffers. Kala has always been in the top of her class, looking for the best of the best to improve her life and make her as fulfilled and enlightened as she can be. Rajan was what she deserved, the finishing touch to her perfect, happy, storybook life. That's what she thought at first, at least.

Wolfgang gets it. He wishes he didn't because he wants to be impulsive- wants her to be impulsive  _ with him-  _ but he also wants her to be satisfied and values her long term necessities rather than his own momentary desires. He wants her to have the life she's worked so hard for because she's earned it, and he's a believer in people getting what they've earned.

He doesn't think he's earned her. 

It's a fact, really, one he knows pretty clearly because his whole life has been a bit of a ride through the mud and he's well aware of how scathed he is by now because of it. A man like him, so broken and torn apart by the challenges and hardships of life, doesn’t deserve a woman like Kala. Bright, open minded, intelligent and  _ beautiful,  _ she is her own, and whoever she belongs to- no, whoever  _ she commits herself to  _ (that's the correct term, she doesn't belong to anyone but herself)- should be able to match her in all her virtues. He certainly can't do that. 

This is all a mistake, for both of them. 

 

_ I can't quit you _

 

They both know they won't give up on each other. No matter what they say, no matter how Kala insists she'll focus on her studies and commit herself to Rajan because  _ it’s what she should do,  _ or how Wolfgang claims he'll just keep working with Felix and make more money because  _ it’s all he knows how to do, _ it's all lies because they come back to each other, every time. They always do. 

Their passion, their love, their  _ insanity _ is a constant in a world of change and they both need that structure. That’s what Kala tells herself, but then she wonders why Rajan isn’t enough to satisfy her then, if all she needs is someone to be there for every day in a physical and intellectual way. But the thing is, among a variety of other things that confuse her, is that Rajan doesn’t know her, not in the way Wolfgang does. They’re sensates, that could be why it's so hard for them to let go. There's so many factors- both Kala and Wolfgang had never really been in love before and they're both sensates in the same cluster so obviously their feelings are over-sensitized, more intense than normal which makes it harder to let go- but they know that there’s more to their relationship than just the determining characteristics of their species. 

They find safety in each other. (Rajan’s bodyguard is nothing compared to the presence of Wolfgang, even when he’s not physically there.) In a world of terror and fighting and danger where peace seems impossible, Kala finds safety in him, in the most unlikely person she’d ever imagine herself knowing, let alone needing. She finds peace and love and desire unlike anything she’s ever known in him. He finds a will to exist, a reason to be better and hope in the darkest of times just by seeing her eyes. And that's definitely something worth holding onto.

So they don't quit each other. Not now, not ever. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr under the same handle where I'm always taking requests and always emotional over this show and all its beautiful ships.


End file.
